Post by Gav on Jan 6, 2011 21:25:52 GMT -5
Today we mark the return of a much loved news show. For the new year it has been revamped and rebranded. Mainly because Gav Sports News actually featured very little sports. So without further ado, live from Newcastle it's....
Tonight's show focuses on recent world events and GWN have exclusively obtained the real reasons behind these disasters.
Much of Eastern Australia has been deluged with floods as far as the eye can see. This comes at a time when the Australian cricket team have failed to take the Ashes away from England. This has upset many Australian people, but none more so than Microstop founder Hurricane. Our exclusive picture shows why Australia is so wet right now.
Hurricane has been bawling like a baby at England's dominance over his country and his tears have created huge floods. Experts fear all of Australia could be underwater by this time next week if he doesn't man the fuck up.
Thousands of birds across America and the world have suddenly dropped from the sky, dead. It seems that there was a link between all of the birds. Microstop member SPZ has recently created a profile on Twitter but his only followers for some reason have been birds. I don't understand the attraction either. GWN recovered a Blackberry from one of our doomed winged friends and made a startling discovery. SPZ had uploaded his first profile picture and one look at it caused the birds great distress as their faces turned to SPZ. In Greek Mythology, if a man looked at Medusa he'd turn to stone. This is exactly like that. Thankfully, humans are immune from turning into SPZ's face. I wouldn't recommend looking at it though.
Britain has been under a heavy blanket of snow for several weeks. Or that's what we thought it was. In recent breaking news, GWN have learned that Microstop member CMC is to blame. In a candid late night chat, he inadvertently let slip that he has a thing for, and I quote, "Big Gay Bears."
We quickly checked with the Met Office who confirmed that most of the "snow" seemed to be forming over Suffolk. Tests of the "snow" revealed it to actually be semen. That's right. Children all over the UK have been making snow angels in CMC's semen, all because he can't stop masturbating to Big Gay Bears. It is unknown quite how CMC has managed to produce so much of it. Even Sweden has caught the edges of it.
This has been a Gav World News presentation hosted exclusively on Microstop and was sponsored by comparethemeerkat.com.
Tonight's show focuses on recent world events and GWN have exclusively obtained the real reasons behind these disasters.
Australian Floods Explained
Much of Eastern Australia has been deluged with floods as far as the eye can see. This comes at a time when the Australian cricket team have failed to take the Ashes away from England. This has upset many Australian people, but none more so than Microstop founder Hurricane. Our exclusive picture shows why Australia is so wet right now.
Hurricane has been bawling like a baby at England's dominance over his country and his tears have created huge floods. Experts fear all of Australia could be underwater by this time next week if he doesn't man the fuck up.
A Modern Day Medusa Kills Birds
Thousands of birds across America and the world have suddenly dropped from the sky, dead. It seems that there was a link between all of the birds. Microstop member SPZ has recently created a profile on Twitter but his only followers for some reason have been birds. I don't understand the attraction either. GWN recovered a Blackberry from one of our doomed winged friends and made a startling discovery. SPZ had uploaded his first profile picture and one look at it caused the birds great distress as their faces turned to SPZ. In Greek Mythology, if a man looked at Medusa he'd turn to stone. This is exactly like that. Thankfully, humans are immune from turning into SPZ's face. I wouldn't recommend looking at it though.
Don't Eat The Salty Snow
Britain has been under a heavy blanket of snow for several weeks. Or that's what we thought it was. In recent breaking news, GWN have learned that Microstop member CMC is to blame. In a candid late night chat, he inadvertently let slip that he has a thing for, and I quote, "Big Gay Bears."
We quickly checked with the Met Office who confirmed that most of the "snow" seemed to be forming over Suffolk. Tests of the "snow" revealed it to actually be semen. That's right. Children all over the UK have been making snow angels in CMC's semen, all because he can't stop masturbating to Big Gay Bears. It is unknown quite how CMC has managed to produce so much of it. Even Sweden has caught the edges of it.
Not Snow.
This has been a Gav World News presentation hosted exclusively on Microstop and was sponsored by comparethemeerkat.com.